May 19th, 2011

heechul

I guess the only reason I still use my LJ is to post stuff like this.

It's the only place. I would post it on tumblr, but some people in my class follow me there and I really don't want them to know, since they have a clue about who I'm taking about. They just don't know I feel this way. 

Sometimes people have no idea what I think or feel. Right now I feel like he's the only one I can talk to, but I promised not to. I deleted his number and told everyone I'm staying away from him. So I have to. I can't believe I fucked up only the second time I met him. If I hadn't kissed him, we'd still be friends and his girlfriend wouldn't hate me. Only thing is, if he wasn't interested in me at all, or if he didn't have a girlfriend, everything would be different. Funny how nothing seems to work out the way I want, ever. Worst part is probably that I can't talk about this with some of my best friends, because we don't have that kind of relationship. I need my best friend of all best friends right now, but I'm not sure even she will understand what's going on in my head.

I wish I'd never met him. 

So much has changed the past year, I don't think 2011 is gonna be my year at all. At least I've almost completely forgotten about her. I texted her by accident once last week, while I was drunk. Maybe I should delete her number as well. 

I'm going home this weekend to relax a bit before exams start next week. Maybe I'll talk to my mom, we'll see.